


The End of the World

by KLStarre



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, Heartbreak, M/M, Stream of Consciousness, Young Love, they'll be okay he just needs time, this is so incredibly repressed (part 3)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-26 03:57:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20037538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KLStarre/pseuds/KLStarre
Summary: When you're a teen, you have to build up a mistakes library.(A study of Erlin and his love for Bev, spoilers for episode 70 and implied spoilers for episode 56)





	The End of the World

Erlin had been in love with Beverly for as long as he could remember. No, that was dramatic. They were still just kids, after all, and being in love was for people who were older, and knew who they were. He was just…a paladin who wasn’t any good at being a paladin, no matter how desperately he tried to be. He got distracted too easily by the faint traces of Bev’s freckles, and by not wanting to hurt people, and by the weight of the sword in his hand when he knew that his hands could be used for healing.

He got too distracted by how much better everyone was than him. That was what it boiled down to. He would watch Bev lunge at their practice dummies, his hair damp with sweat and sticking to the nape of his neck, his form perfect, getting closer and closer to smiting with the power of Pelor, and he’d _know_, deep in his heart, that that would never be him.

Bev was so encouraging, though. He was always so encouraging. They’d stay late after school, drilling positions and movements, and Bev would gently move his arms into the right positions, and Erlin would have to do his best not to turn the color of his hair. Sometimes, when they were practicing, he’d think that maybe…

But no, that was ridiculous. Why would Bev want to be with _him_? They were best friends, yeah, but Erlin wasn’t under any illusions that they would’ve been best friends if they had met_now_. They were best friends because there had never been a time in their lives when they hadn’t known each other. And because friendship was a kind of love, and Erlin would hold on to that with all of his heart for as long as he could.

Bev’s hands lingered on Erlin’s shoulder for maybe a second longer than they needed to, and his grip on the hilt of his sword shook.

∞

He kissed him. It was the end of the world.

∞

“It’s not like we were official,” felt like a lie in his mouth but, well, it was true, wasn’t it? Bev’s mom had been calling him Erlin’s boyfriend for as long as he’d been gone, and Erlin had been waiting for him, hoping every morning that he’d wake up and his best friend would be back from whatever adventures he was having, but they had barely had a day together after they had kissed, and they certainly hadn’t discussed any labels for what they were going to be.

Still, it felt like a lie. And he could see Bev’s face crumple when he said it, could tell that he didn’t really believe it, either. But if they _were _official, then it was worse, what Bev had done, and so neither of them argued it.

He loved him so much. Had always loved him so much. And he wasn’t oblivious enough that he couldn’t hear the desperation in Bev’s voice, and he _knew, _could tell by looking, that he had been through things no one should have to go through. Could tell how lonely he had been, could tell that he regretted it.

But also. Erlin needed time. He needed to go to Iron Deep and do what he was good at and learn that loving Bev wasn’t the only thing he had to offer.

He wasn’t mad. It was the end of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had the line "I'm not mad at you, dude. It's the end of the world." stuck in my head since the episode came out. Wrote this while looping I Think I Need A New Heart by The Magnetic Fields.


End file.
